In This World
by kobuntan
Summary: After Erwin lost his right arm, he started to close himself away from everybody. He didn't let his feelings to show up, until one day.. (This story is also on my AO3 account)


"My dream..." I murmured under my nose, listening to nobody. Being lost in my thoughts. What was my dream again? I wasn't sure. To be honest, I never really thought about it, what are dreams anyway..? Do people create them on their behalf to reach their goals, or just to have something to dream about? Or just to show off? Even though people have dreams, a lot of them, most of those people won't reach them. Having dreams in this kind of world was courageous.

Once again, I lost myself in my thoughts; words, ideas floating in my mind. My day-dreaming was cut off by someones hand, softly squeezing my shoulder. "...up. Wake up!" I heard a familiar man voice, husky but tender at the same time. "Mhmm..nnn.. What? What it is?" I marched away my shoulder, letting his hand fall off back to its place, slowly opening my eyes and searching for the owner of that voice. Looking up, my eyes met with eyes bluer and brighter than the sapphire itself. Even from this distance his eyes are simply remarkable. I blinked twice, they gazed at me, so dazzling. I tore my eyes away, I couldn't look in them any longer, my heart started to beat really fast.

His hand moved and pushed a strand of hair from my face, I froze. This wasn't like him at all; he wasn't like this, what was wrong? My eyes met his, again, a light smile appeared on his lips. I wasn't sure what was I supposed to do; this silence was driving me crazy. Should I smile back? I don't know. I wanted to hear his thoughts, his words, ideas, but at the same time I didn't, I feared he might say bad news. What if he will have to leave again? I didn't want to see him injured, I felt as if my heart was tied up with ropes, squeezing it and won't let it go.

I closed my eyes and placed my hand on his, touching my cheek softly, I felt his warmth. Yes, this was it, this was that feeling and moment I wanted to last forever, but I knew it wouldn't. His thumb was stroking my cheek, I moved my head a little so my lips would lightly touch his hand. I brushed my lips over his hand, sniffed his scent, my nostrils were dying of happiness. I was craving to smell his scent again, his scent made me feel safe.

Is this what people call happiness, even if it's almost impossible to find it in this crappy world? I guess yes. My happiness was right in front of me, he was so close, yet so far. We knew love was forbidden in a place like this, we couldn't be really together, only at moments like this. It was a painfully happy moment. I wanted to run away to a place which would be only for us, a place I wanted so desperately to reach, but would never find except from within the catacombs of my mind.

His hand was leaving my cheek, finding its place on my nape, wrapping me in his arms and pulling me into his chest. My legs were shaky, I thought they might break. I hugged him around his hips like a little child hugging its parent, holding him tightly. His left hand was stroking my hair, calming and fighting all my fears away. His face was buried into the crook of my neck his lips were lightly touching it. I shivered as he gently kissed every inch of my bare shoulder and neck.

I tried to hold my tears, I didn't want to let him see me as broken as I really was. To be honest, I was acting like a hero, but inside I was like a lost child, wanting to be saved. He was taking a long breath, exhaling on my skin, his hot breath was sending goosebumps through my body, I shivered. I looked up, his eyes were watery, he didn't move his sight away. He wasn't trying to hide it, he let me know that he was in pain, too. My right hand moved from his back on his cheek, stroking his tears away with my thumb. My left hand was still placed on his back, holding onto his shirt. I felt safety.

"Erwin." I whispered, caressing his cheek. He leaned his forehead on mine, closing his eyes. Since the time he lost his right arm, he was quite self-conscious around me, he didn't let me touch him easily. I was glad he let me hug him, or even touch his face. He was slowly opening himself towards me again, I smiled. My hand switched the place from his cheek to his nape, my fingertips playing with his blond hair. Silence between us was like a never ending story. He wasn't the type who would speak all day long, he only talked when he wanted to, or had to. He always said his thoughts, even if it wasn't frankly.

I slipped my fingers further into his hair and grabbed it blandly, I leant my head and placed my lips on his. At first he gasped, but gave in few second. His lips were dry and cracked, but gentle. After a moment he wanted to pull away, but I didn't let him. _Let us enjoy this, please!_ I thought for myself as my lips grabbed his once again. His hand slowly fell on my hip, grasping my shirt as if he would be in pain. My lips started to move, so did his, he responded to my kiss. His lips weren't cracked anymore, they got soft, his kisses were tender. I melted as my whole body was consumed in that kiss. I wanted more, I wanted to be selfish. But...

I let go of his hair and moved my hand on his cheek again, breaking our kiss. Both of us were panting, catching our breath. This reminded me of one thing my deceased friend used to say; True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. She was right. Even of all those things we went through, we still found the way to each other. We never said I love you to each other, not even once. We didn't have to, we loved each other deeply even without saying it out loud. He knew I would be there for him anytime, at least that was one of the most things I thought.

"...me" He said. I was lost in my thoughts once again, I didn't heard what he said. I looked at him confused, he sighed, then looked into my eyes again. "Don't leave...me." He said in whisper, then looked away, adding: "You are not allowed to." A little chuckle left my lips. I turned his face to me and nodded in agreement, raising my voice saying: "Yes, commander!" His eyes stared at me, stunned, and his lips parted, almost into a smile. I never called him this way, only when I mocked him. He knew it, but he didn't care. Erwin leaned closer and captured my lips between his. I was surprised by his sudden affection, but feeling blissfully happy, I didn't question it. It was the third time when he kissed me, it was unusual, I treasured every moment this happened. Our kisses got softer and softer till I felt like our lips were melting into each other. _He_ was my dream.


End file.
